In Qin Xin’s memories, his mother’s room always had the curtains drawn. It was as if she feared the light.
“Mother.” As though nothing had happened, Qin Xin placed the glass ashtray back onto her vanity table.
Qiao Lian stood with her back to her son, but even just the silhouette of her figure in the shadows was breathtaking. Time itself seemed unwilling to leave regrets upon her face either, and she was always beautiful so effortlessly.
“You went out last night?” Qiao Lian did not turn around to look at him.
Before answering, Qin Xin carefully considered his words. “Yes. Is that what you wanted to ask me about?”
“Why did you go out?” Qiao Lian spun around abruptly. And that tiny movement alone triggered a chain reaction in Qin Xin, as he instinctively dodged. He never knew when Qiao Lian would erupt. One second, she was a calm mother; the next, she became hysterical.
But this was still his mother. Most of Qin Xin’s looks came from her side, especially those eyes hailed as “irreplaceable in the entertainment industry.” When his mother was young, people said, “After Qiao Lian, there will never be another one like her,” but when he won his award at fourteen, the saying became, “After Qiao Lian, there is still Qin Xin.”
Those perfect phoenix eyes were blood ties neither mother nor son could deny.
“Because my friend got into trouble, I stayed out all night. Is there a problem with that?” This time, Qin Xin chose not to lie.
“Friend? What friends could you possibly have? You still have friends? Other than that boy from the Fang family, can someone like you actually make friends? Do you even deserve to have friends?” Qiao Lian did not even need to hit him. Just moving her lips like that, every word became an icy blade stabbing into Qin Xin’s body.
And in that moment, something strange surged through Qin Xin’s heart, a hatred he could no longer deny.
He stared into those identical eyes, yet had never once seen a happy version of himself reflected in her pupils. In his previous life, he had desperately wanted to save his unhappy mother. At the very least, he wanted to discover the reason for her madness. Perhaps if he found it, this family could still be saved. So he had habitually blamed himself, wondering if he was not outstanding enough, wondering if his existence truly had ruined his mother’s acting career.
After all, so many people said exactly that.
“Of course I have friends.” Qin Xin thought of that fluffy head, Lin Fanxing’s face wavering before his eyes, his nonstop chatter echoing beside his ears. “Fang Feiyu is my friend, and I have friends besides him, too.”
“Hahahaha…” Qiao Lian let out a cold laugh. Beautiful people remained captivating even when laughing maliciously; every angle of her face could pass on the big screen. Yet her changing expression was equally dramatic, like the true form of a female ghost revealed in an instant, hideous and vicious.
“What friends could you possibly have! You don’t deserve them!” Qiao Lian strode over to Qin Xin in two or three quick steps, both hands gripping his shoulders. “You’re a bastard child! You don’t deserve to live! If not for you…!”
Weak from illness, Qin Xin tried to break free. But in his current condition, he was no match for Qiao Lian, and it took several attempts before he finally pried apart her fingers. He had never truly resisted her before. He always thought his mother was mentally unwell, that she was a patient.
Until, in the end, he became the patient himself.
And after swallowing psychiatric medication in a dazed haze, he saw an expression on his mother’s face he had never seen before, a smile filled with happiness and relief.
She was celebrating the fact that her son was finally ruined.
“Let go!” This time, Qin Xin shoved her away. Though he meant to push her off, he himself staggered back against the wall as well.
Qiao Lian crashed into the vanity table, sending all the skincare products the cleaning lady had neatly arranged clattering onto the floor. Her shoulder struck the mirror, and her breathing sounded like a torn accordion, disbelief cracking through every ragged inhale. Twenty years had passed in the blink of an eye, and mother and son had finally reached the point of physical confrontation. Yet instead of heartbreak, she revealed only a look of contempt, as though saying, I knew this day would come.
“Good, good. You finally can’t hide it anymore, can you? I knew it… I knew filthy blood runs through your veins! You should’ve died long ago!” Qiao Lian braced herself against the vanity and straightened up again. Damp strands of hair clung to the side of her neck, bluish veins faintly visible beneath her milk-pale skin.
But Qin Xin looked even worse than she did. Just that sudden burst of strength had nearly made him collapse, his complexion paler than hers. “Am I the one who can’t hide anymore?” he shouted. “What you people did to me… don’t you know it yourselves?”
The contempt in Qiao Lian’s eyes instantly vanished, replaced by shock.
“…You know?”
“Shouldn’t I know?” Qin Xin stared at her coldly.
“No, you should know! You should know what your father and I think of you! You’re nothing but our artwork! I gave you your appearance; without this face, how many people do you think would even watch your movies? Qin Guangze gave you talent. Even though he admitted your acting skills were an innate gift, you…!”
“No. Not you and him.” Qin Xin pressed a hand against his chest and cut her off.
Qiao Lian froze again. When she spoke next, there was a trace of panic Qin Xin had never seen before, almost screaming, “What are you talking about?!”
“Not you and Qin Guangze. You know what I mean. I’m not talking about the two of you.” Qin Xin’s words carried pointed meaning. “Besides you two, there was another person who did things to me. And you allowed it, didn’t you?”
“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Qiao Lian turned away in a daze and waved her hand dismissively. “Get out!”
“You’re feeling guilty? Because I exposed your scandal? Exposed the truth behind your marriage with Qin Guangze?” Qin Xin himself did not know what was sustaining him anymore. In his exhausted eyes, only a tiny spark of light remained. He had wanted so badly to find proof that his parents had loved him…
But that little flame was destined to go out.
“I know you hate me.” Qin Xin finally poured out the words he had never spoken in his previous life. “People said that because you got pregnant, you missed the filming schedule and lost the female lead role in Summer Ballad of Life, didn’t you?”
Qiao Lian’s hand clenched tightly around the heavy curtain, her slender wrist looking fragile enough to snap. “Get out!”
“So I guessed right.” Qin Xin coughed out several broken breaths. His birth had been the beginning of his mother’s declining career.
Summer Ballad of Life was Director Shao Yongrui’s masterpiece. Twenty-one years ago, the competition for castinghad been fierce beyond compare. His mother, Qiao Lian, had naturally been a top contender, and in the end, she had lived up to expectations, earning Shao Yongrui’s approval. Everyone knew that barring an accident, the female lead role would belong to Qiao Lian.
But an accident did happen, and Qiao Lian became pregnant. And by the time the pregnancy was discovered, she was already five months along.
Qiao Lian herself had always been extremely thin. Years of strict dieting had left the fetus small and underdeveloped, and her menstrual cycle had always been irregular, so pregnancy had never crossed her mind. Then came an even more devastating blow…
People started whispering that the fetus must have sensed that the mother did not want it, so it did everything possible to hide itself, creating the illusion that there was no pregnancy at all. After all, during those five months, Qiao Lian had not gone without periods. But as irregular as those were, it was probably just her weakened body trying to alert her that something was wrong with the pregnancy, only to get ignored for months to no end. Even more horrifying, the fetus didn’t even dare to curl up in her womb. When discovered, it was hiding in a corner of her body, buried so deep it was practically invisible.
And that fetus was Qin Xin.
By the time Qiao Lian wanted to take further measures, it was already too late. Summer Ballad of Life was about to begin filming, the female lead had to be replaced at the last minute, and a few months later Qin Xin was born, just as Summer Ballad of Life wrapped production.
When Qin Xin turned one year old, Summer Ballad of Life won awards overseas. Qiao Lian’s former rival, Zhao Yiwei, lifted the Wings Award trophy for “Best Actress” thanks to that lead role, becoming famous overnight. At the appreciation banquet, Zhao Yiwei thanked the production team and fans in front of reporters, and even singled out one particular person for special mention.
She thanked Qin Xin. Thanked the child’s arrival for giving her the female lead role, and everything she had today.
“You’ve always hated me. I know.” Qin Xin finally forced himself to face his wounds head-on. Summer Ballad of Life, Zhao Yiwei, everything had been an accomplice in the rupture between mother and son.
“Yes, I hate you! If you know, then get out already!” Unexpectedly, Qiao Lian made no attempt to hide it. Her grievances, layer upon layer, turned into a bloody confession she poured onto her son without restraint. “If it weren’t for you… If it weren’t for you! You sucked away my luck, drained my talent! You were born on top of my sacrifice! And now what more do you want?! After you were born, I never played a female lead again! My womb was split open by you, my body like a puppet stitched back together, and no one has ever praised my eyes for being lively again! Are you satisfied now?! You should just die!”
The question buried deep in his heart was confirmed. Qin Xin felt as though his heart had been sliced apart, yet he still chose to turn and leave, for he no longer wanted to argue with Qiao Lian. There was no point debating things that had already happened.
“Satisfied. But I will live well.” Qin Xin smiled bitterly and nodded. “I won’t die.”
He didn’t need to do anything anyway; fate would send each of them to their endings, so there was no need for him to interfere.
……………
After leaving his mother’s bedroom, Qin Xin felt his body temperature rise again. Truly, he couldn’t afford even the slightest emotional fluctuation. Back in his own room, Qin Xin opened his diary and flipped forward to a few weeks later.
By then, Fang Feiyu had already lost everything in the stock market and had begun drinking himself into oblivion, walking down a road of no return. Qin Xin, however, was a meticulous recorder of events. Skilled at keeping journals, he had even printed out those days’ market charts and pasted them onto paper.
Therefore, while washing a car outside, Fang Feiyu suddenly received a message from Qin Xin.
Qin Xin: [Sell your stocks immediately and buy these ones.]
Still with the stocks? Fang Feiyu glanced toward the window. He had never heard Qin Xin show interest in this before, but he didn’t dare let him buy too much either. If the stock market in this life deviated even slightly from the previous one, everything could be ruined once more.
After sending the list of stock names, his door was knocked again, but this time it was not Fang Feiyu, but Fang Bo.
“Young Master Qin, it’s time to take your medicine,” Fang Bo said from outside.
“Please come in.” Qin Xin closed his notebook.
Fang Bo entered with a bowl of traditional Chinese medicine, carefully placing it on the table. “I brewed this myself. It’s thicker than the factory-prepared ones, so it will taste more bitter. I’ve also prepared honey water for you to soothe your throat.”
“Thank you, Uncle Fang.” Qin Xin nodded wearily. “Since taking your medicine, I feel much better.”
“That’s good. I’m relieved.” Fang Bo fulfilled his duty and added a few more instructions before leaving.
But the moment the door closed, Qin Xin’s exhausted expression instantly turned clear-eyed and alert. The dark, thick herbal medicine on the table gave off a dense, bitter smell. Without hesitation, he poured the entire bowl into the bathroom drain, along with the cup of honey water meant to soothe his throat.
This was the “other person” he had referred to when confronting Qiao Lian. The family doctor he had trusted most since childhood, Uncle Fang, was the greatest accomplice in weakening his body.
After pretending to take his medicine, Qin Xin said he was hungry and asked the maid to make him porridge and clear soup. Although he had no appetite, he still forced himself to eat, for he needed to regain his strength as quickly as possible.
But after eating, drowsiness crept over him again. He had taken too much medication in the past, and the side effects wouldn’t disappear so easily. When he finally opened his eyes again, the sky outside had turned into a burning sunset.
Shit… he forgot to order dinner for his canary! What if he starves?!
First time keeping a sugar baby… he had no experience at all.
Qin Xin immediately sat up, only to feel a wave of dizziness. He forced it down and began ordering food on his phone. Unsure what to pick, he simply clicked “same as before,” and then added two extra portions of Chinese pastries, worried it still wouldn’t be enough.
After finishing, he checked the time. Perfect. He would go help Lin Fanxing find his phone now.
………………..
Inside the small apartment, Lin Fanxing, starving indeed, heard the knock of the delivery, sounding just like heavenly music. After the deliveryman left, he checked through the peephole before opening the door, thinking his benefactor had forgotten about him.
The large insulated bag smelled delicious and was still warm. Taped to it was the order slip, with a note: [Wait for me. I’ll come tonight.]
Lin Fanxing froze.
That line… really sounded exactly like a sugar daddy and his kept canary.
What…
I eat your barbecue and then have to shower and obediently wait for you?!
T.N: If you like his novel, you can read up to chapter 19 on my Patreon, with new updates coming every week!
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