T.N: Disclaimer: This chapter contains mentions of child and animal abuse. Animal death. Violence towards minors. Mental illness, Munchausen by proxy, most likely.
So hot.
Qin Xin rarely felt heat.
From a young age, his parents made him take cold showers, swim in winter, and do morning exercises in shorts and a T-shirt even in freezing weather. Bone-piercing cold was what he was used to. When the torrential rain poured down on him earlier, he didn’t even register it as cold, just pain from hail and raindrops hitting his body.
But now, he was so hot.
His whole body was burning, as if a fire was steaming him from the inside, pulling him out of an endless frozen void. The warmth beside him felt unreal. Even with his hazy, half-conscious state of “being unconscious,” he still thought, this must be a dream, right?
But once the dream ended, there would be nothing beside him again. So he really didn’t want to open his eyes. This dream was comfortable. But Qin Xin only enjoyed a few seconds of that peaceful illusion before he had to open his eyes because… half of his body had gone numb.
At first, he thought it was a side effect of the medicine. After all, he didn’t even know what those drugs were treating; his family had made him take medication since childhood, so he simply took it.
They said his body was weak, and he cooperated with every check-up, just wanting to get better quickly. But Qin Xin had never truly been taken care of. If not for the accident in his previous life, he would still have been obediently taking medicine, waiting for his body to “recover,” never realizing his life had already drifted off its normal track. He also wouldn’t have known that his mental world had long since become fragile, so fragile it could collapse at any moment.
After a few deep breaths, Qin Xin finally forced his heavy eyelids open.
The pain of broken bones still lingered, as if it had carried over from his previous life, continuing into this one. He tried to move his numb right arm, but strangely, it felt like sleep paralysis; something was pressing down on him. His arm and shoulder wouldn’t move at all.
Not just his shoulder… his right chest and right leg couldn’t move either.
Shit. Had he become paralyzed on one side?!
Qin Xin struggled again, but the right side of his body still refused to respond.
Nothing.
But just as despair crept in, something round and soft kept nudging against his chest. Only then did he notice he was covered by a thick blanket, wrapped tightly with not a single gap.
So this was…
He lowered his eyes and saw a perfectly round little head. The back of it had slightly messy hair, with a cowlick spinning to the right. Soon, he understood: he was holding someone.
He wasn’t paralyzed. Good. Good.
Qin Xin let out a breath of relief.
But… who was this?!
His breathing caught again.
His reaction was delayed due to the fever, and his mind couldn’t immediately piece together what had happened. Only his most basic survival instincts kicked in: as an actor, he absolutely could not sleep outside, and even less could he wake up in someone else’s bed without knowing what had happened.
The entertainment industry had its dirty side. Even if he kept himself clean, rumors alone could destroy him. So his first instinct was to push the person away. If there were photos taken, evidence left behind…
He…
He…
He…
Why the hell was he holding Lin Fanxing?!
Qin Xin froze instantly. He looked around, and fragments of memories from both this life and the previous one suddenly rushed back into his mind, like missing files being patched in.
Still hot.
But Qin Xin could clearly feel warmth now; Lin Fanxing’s body was like a small sun, pressed tightly against him, arms wrapped around his waist. Qin Xin carefully tried to move his right leg, but it was of no use; he was still pinned under Lin Fanxing’s leg, completely trapped.
So…
He hadn’t intended to take advantage of him, but the other person had been the one holding him first. There was no reason to push him away.
So… he would just stay like this for now.
Qin Xin glanced down as breathing brushed against his chest. His fingers were still faintly flushed from the fever, like they had been distilled by heat. Then he lowered his gaze again. The strange, unfamiliar closeness made him pause.
Why was Fanxing’s nose so close to his? Was this even a normal sleeping position?
Qin Xin was someone with a strong curiosity, so he lifted the blanket, but… Curiosity killed the cat. And sometimes, it killed him too.
Hm.
The youngest Best Actor in the country had just been completely stripped bare.
Qin Xin quickly pulled the blanket back up, trying to cover everything, but he couldn’t reconstruct what had just happened. The only thing he could confirm was that he had saved Fanxing. This time, he had finally saved him, protected those rare, beautiful eyes.
In the entire world, probably only he and the debt collectors knew Lin Fanxing’s address.
In his previous life, Lin Fanxing’s accident even made the legal news. It was said to be an act of violence caused by debt disputes. Qin Xin never found out why those people had hurt him, but he firmly remembered the crime scene location. Countless times in dreams, he went back there, trying to plan a way to save him. But it was already too late. Even though he could recite that address perfectly, Lin Fanxing had already lost one eye.
Fortunately, in this life, he had used the experience of “reviewing the past.”
But what now?
Qin Xin touched his own face, then his chest.
The clothes must have been taken off by Fanxing. The blanket, too. He looked toward the dining table and the floor, where two medicine boxes and an empty bowl lay quietly, explaining everything that had happened after he fainted.
Fanxing had found him medicine, then taken off his soaked clothes, and even brought out a blanket from the bedroom.
Qin Xin blinked, quietly enjoying this unfamiliar care… but a trace of frustration also rose. He was too thin, too weak right now. When Fanxing woke up later, how was he supposed to explain his condition?!
Just as he thought this, the head in his arms began to move again, as if dissatisfied with the position, fidgeting in its sleep. Qin Xin didn’t dare move, as it really felt like a dream. The person he liked was actually taking care of him, and now sleeping curled up in his arms.
Even if his arms weren’t strong enough yet.
Lin Fanxing shifted again, turning from his side onto his stomach. One foot that had been outside the blanket was tucked back in, searching for warmth, pressing against Qin Xin’s calf. With that, Qin Xin had a bad feeling, and sure enough… The next second, Lin Fanxing pressed against his chest and climbed onto him.
Qin Xin didn’t even dare breathe.
He had never experienced such close physical contact before, and immediately froze completely, stiff and helpless. From childhood, he had never known normal human touch. As far back as he could remember, his mother Qiao Lian had hated him, truly hated him, not even simple dislike. Sometimes she would twist his arms and cheeks until they turned purple, bite his shoulders until they bled, or violently shake him before throwing him aside.
She stabbed him with needles, burned his hands with a lighter, and whipped his back with a belt. She screamed and raged endlessly, locking the powerless Qin Xin out on the balcony under the scorching sun. Then she would call his nanny, Yang Su, to take him away and not let her see him for days.
For Qin Xin, those days away from his mother were actually the best ones. Nanny Yang would hold him and cry, but she could not oppose the mistress of the house. In the years when he most needed a mother, Qin Xin only had a giant teddy bear and a dog for company. He treated the teddy bear as his mother, trying to find the feeling of being held. Sometimes he would hug himself, imagining that his mother might one day change.
But Qiao Lian still abused him, just never touching his face. And as long as Qin Xin got sick, she would temporarily stop and take care of him with twisted tenderness.
Like that, he grew up slowly, and the fantasy of “a mother who would change” lasted until he was twelve.
As for his father, Qin Guangze, the famous film director decided, in pursuit of his life’s masterpiece, to “sacrifice” his only son and raise him like material for art.
The first thing he did was burn the giant teddy bear, the “mother” who had accompanied Qin Xin since he was four years old. He said it was the path of an artist: only by inflicting major trauma before the “id” fully developed could the “superego” grow rapidly and produce authentic emotional performance.
The second thing he did was force Qin Xin to watch him kill the dog.
It was an old Doberman. When Qin Guangze walked toward it, it still thought its owner was coming to pet it. It never imagined harm from anyone in the family.
And yet, it could have run.
Even after its head was struck with a metal rod, it had already escaped the yard, but humans were so cruelly deceptive… Qin Guangze then played an audio recording of Qin Xin’s voice, calling the dog’s name, telling it to come back. Bleeding from its head, it staggered back, searching for its only little master.
And then, it never ran again.
In the end, it was buried in that same yard.
And as if to prove his father was right all along, two years later, at 14, Qin Xin rose to fame as the youngest-ever Best Actor winner, his performance a meteoric breakthrough. People said he was the only son of the renowned director Qin Guangze and actress Qiao Lian, so his talent was something he was simply born to inherit.
Now, he had somehow returned to being 20, staring at Lin Fanxing, who was still alive. He fell into confusion. So this was… physical intimacy? Warm. Comfortable.
He liked it, but it wasn’t enough. Just lying on top of him while sleeping wasn’t enough. He wanted more.
Qin Xin frowned slightly, trying to adapt to the unfamiliar, half-repulsed, half-desired closeness, this strange zero-distance contact that felt both wanted and feared. It was all too foreign. Lin Fanxing’s breath was right in the hollow of his neck, warm and steady in broken rhythm. Outside, it was already daylight, but Qin Xin wished it were still night, so they could fall asleep like this again. He didn’t seem to have much flesh on him either. Even thinner than he looked on camera.
Qin Xin couldn’t help but place a hand on his back. He had been on the big screen; he knew exactly what it meant when people said, “the camera adds ten pounds.” Lin Fanxing’s shoulder blades lay flat against his back, a hollow groove running down the center. His T-shirt had unknowingly ridden up to his chest, exposing a large patch of skin.
He pressed directly against Qin Xin’s ribs.
Qin Xin shifted slightly, propping himself up with his left hand. Lin Fanxing didn’t wake up; instead, he adjusted again into a more comfortable sleeping position. One leg bent upward and rested directly over Qin Xin’s hip bone.
Qin Xin felt even hotter. Hotter than he had ever felt in his life.
He really didn’t want to take advantage of him, but in this position, it felt like Lin Fanxing was the one taking advantage of him completely. Qin Xin tried to move him away, but the moment he reached out, his hand landed on Lin Fanxing’s thigh.
…That’s actually quite fleshy.
Qin Xin blinked rapidly.
Wait.
That’s not right!
It was pure torment. Qin Xin could only freeze in place like he’d been struck by a spell. Any slight movement would turn into friction, so to stop his thoughts from spiraling, he forced himself to think about something else, quickly mapping out his life after reincarnation.
And at that moment, the person on top of him finally woke up.
Lin Fanxing had been awakened by whatever it was that his leg was touching, but Qin Xin’s breathing stopped instantly. The face that had been buried in his neck just moments ago lifted up.
“Mm?” Lin Fanxing mumbled, still half-asleep.
Qin Xin didn’t dare breathe. Would he recognize him? He should, right? They had met briefly in the past, and Lin Fanxing had been in the entertainment industry all this time… he definitely wouldn’t forget his face. And he was also the youngest Best Actor…
“Are you awake?” Lin Fanxing asked, his eyes unfocused.
Sweat had gathered along Qin Xin’s nose bridge. Before he could respond, a drop slid down his throat.
Lin Fanxing’s warm chest was still pressed against him.
“I can’t see right now,” Lin Fanxing continued. “Are you awake?” He had not recovered his eyesight yet, but he instinctively felt the stranger waking up. However, he did not understand why he was saying nothing.
Can’t see?! Qin Xin felt his head thunder. Did he hit his head yesterday?!
“You had a fever yesterday. I gave you medicine and put you on the sofa. Oh, yes, I also took off your clothes… I’m sorry.” Lin Fanxing touched the man’s bare chest and knew he was lying on him. He quickly got up and slid into a side-lying position, continuing, ” You don’t have to worry about me. My eyes will be fine after a while.”
“…What?” Qin Xin waved a hand in front of his eyes.
Wait… this voice… Lin Fanxing tilted his head slightly. “Have we… met before? Why does your voice sound so familiar?”
He instinctively reached out again, his right hand sliding up along the stranger’s chest, as if searching for something. And then, the Qin Xin, who had been raised under both physical and psychological abuse, forgot how to move entirely.
For the first time in his life, someone touched his lips.
T.N: If you like his novel, you can read up to chapter 16 on my Patreon, with new updates coming every week!
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